Чаing
Sometimes you do need to get a flash of sadness, don't you? And think about life and how it is not the way you would've wanted it to be? It may be weird, but watching this series, and I mean GG - it makes me think of all the stuff I'm losing right now. I've already been thinking about changing, but things don't start with a thought, you must actually do something, right? This whole thing I came up with years ago - the imaginary friends that are almost real, the society in the cables, words that exist only on displays. I should've realized how this works. I am not part of anything but the net. People I consider important to me might not think about me the same way! It's not like I'm abbandoned by someone. And the fact that I feel so is only my fault. While I write this some tiny voice inside my head keeps saying that I'm not right and there are actually people on the other side that do care about me. This is so, but I'm missing something real. Making plans isn't gonna solve it. I'm not saying I'm leaving (again), it's just that I'll try to keep myself a bit cooler. Those flashes of "oh I love the whole world and everyone in it" are great when responded. Maybe I should just try and stop making things for other people, which no one needs indeed, and for once really think about myself. I'm sorry for saying this. I don't mean I don't love anyone. Perhaps I might need someone... closer to me to love. And not on the other side of the world. I really should make it happen. And somehow I think an actual job could be part of the solution since school can't. I don't know... I may be overthinking now and be influenced by my stomachache. But then again, it won't hurt trying.
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23.08.2009 в 03:22*убейте меня за мой английский*